RADIO SHOW TONIGHT!

Hey everyone,
RADIO SHOW TONIGHT @ 9 PM! We will be interviewing ANDREW WK!

www.hearnewbrunswick.com

Tonight.

Tonight, I plan on seducing my girlfriend. I am not a romantic but tonight I will try to be romantic by cooking dinner, and lighting candles. I'll put on the Virgin Suicides soundtrack and then just let destiny take over.

Actually it won't even be the Virgin Suicides soundtrack, it will be the actual movie playing in the background. ECSTASY!

Candles lit, an aroma of birthday cake and the sweet sounds of teenagers offing themselves! NIRVANA!

diet.

I recently started a new diet. Something I felt was needed because I've been feeling really sick. I thought it was a disease or I was dangerously overweight. After much research and three doctors calling me fat. HA! Just kidding. I don't have health insurance. I have decided to go on a diet. So far it's working. I'm hoping it works more.

HOPEFULLYZZZZZ!

Sleeper

I saw the movie "Sleeper"last night. I think it may be one of my favorite movies I've ever seen. I laughed a lot. I can't believe I've waited this long to get into Woody Allen. I started with "Annie Hall" and it made me smile more smiles then a smile-y robot. But then I was like that's it. But I saw "Sleeper" and it's such an amazing idea and movie. There was a couple of scenes in the film that as I watched them I said, "there is no way this would ever be in a movie nowadays." FUN!

also, the bad thing I thought might happen. Happened. But it's okay because our second show at the PIT has Andrew WK, and Michael Showalter.

Oh, NO!

Oh, no! That's all I can say right now. Oh, No!

Something terrible is almost happening. Cripes, and crepes.

Is it racist?

Is it racist if every time I talk to a black person I bring up Barack Obama and how much I like him?

skunk.

I enjoy the word 'skunk.' I almost believe it may be the best word. I defy you to tell me a word as good as skunk. If you do and I agree, I will absolutely spit in your face. Your ugly face. A face. Too many words for face. Such as face, and other words that also mean face.

I've been enjoying calling people 'skunks' most of all. It's a fun insult, because people will be like "Did he just call me a skunk?" and I'm like "YEAAAAAAAAAAH!" While I'm crotch-chopping. It's how I live my life.

But I just found out that you can use skunk as a verb. Which means doing poorly. That's the cutest type of failure ever.

ALMOST FAMOUS BUT THIS IS WHERE I'LL STAY (PART 2)

Now, now. Where did I leave off? That's right. His film "Personal Velocity" had just won the Jury Award at Sundance. The jealousies flame was lit right then. But it wasn't evident to me until about a year and a half later. At this time, I was still performing comedy, at an even greater pace. I was performing around 4 or 5 nights a week. Not bad for a nineteen and a half year old. (I say this because I think it's a rule that you stop saying your age and a half or quarter or three-quarters at the age of twenty. So at this time it was accurate for me to give myself the half.) I hadn't heard much about Lou. He wasn't doing too much. I heard he landed a bit role in an HBO film with Paul Newman and he was in some movie with Keanu Reeves. Both of those didn't bother me at all. I mean it was Paul Newman now. Not Slap Shot Paul Newman and it was Keanu Reeves now. Not Bill and Ted's Keanu Reeves. It's so weird how I looked at things then.

Fast forward six months and that's when I saw what made my jealousy boil. I saw that for his film "Thumbsucker" he won SPECIAL JURY AWARD - ACTING at Sundance. Why, that's something I wouldn't mind winning. He won an award. I got mad and it's not even like he beat me for the award because I was not nominated because I was not in a movie that was really a movie. It's just so weird to see someone who you used to make little crappy movies with in your friends backyards be a success for doing what you were both doing at the time. That was definitely a run-on sentence. But for whatever reason from then on out I was a complete jerk about the guy. My parents would be like you should give him a call and I'd say "It's not even that good of a movie." To this day, I don't think it's very good. But he was the best part of it. See, I never mentioned that to my parents. I just focused on the parts that sucked, like the rest of it.

Then came the run-in. Remember the run-on sentence from before? No relation. I was working a dead-end job at a Best Buy while also being a comedian and he was jet-setting taking home many awards for his dramatic portrayal of a guy who goes medication to stop sucking his thumb and becomes a great debater. At least, I think that's what the story is about. But he came into buy DVD's around Christmas time and I was there working because it was around Christmas time. He came up to me and was genuinely interested in how I have been. Hollywood phony, I thought. But he kept talking to me and even offered to take a look at stuff I wrote. I don't want that. I didn't want that. I wanted him to be a bastard. I wanted him to be a douchebag. I'm the douchebag. I wanted him to be like "Oh man, do you know what it's like to snort oxycontin off of Scarlett Johannson's pussy?" and I'd be like "No" and he'd say "Pretty friggen' great. I mean, Pretty fuckin' great!" (In Hollywood, you only say fuck.) But he wasn't like that. It crushed me that my stereotyping (I think) was wrong. I hated that, because it's the first time stereotyping ever did me wrong. Yep, I'm a stereotyper. You can hear me out of the left & right speakers.

Lou Pucci is a great guy, I am not. But I mean, come on. Wouldn't you be a little jealous that you can't even be the most famous person you graduated with? I mean the class before us the most famous owns a wood company and the class after us, a guy killed another guy. If I was a year younger, or a year older I would be a shoe-in. But instead I'm second fiddle. You know what has never been good Second Fiddle. First fiddle isn't even that good because at the end of the day, you are still playing fiddle.

ALMOST FAMOUS BUT THIS IS WHERE I'LL STAY

ALMOST FAMOUS BUT THIS IS WHERE I'LL STAY

by

Sean O'Connor

I'm a brilliant and hilarious stand-up comedian. So brilliant, and so hilarious that many people compliment me for being both, close to once or twice a year. A shoe-in for being famous? You would think that. But you would be wrong. I have a theory that to be truly famous you must be the most famous person of your graduating class, from any level of school. This explains why Pauly Shore is not famous, and David Schwimmer is. It's why the iPod Nano isn't famous, while the iPod Video is. I won't be famous because I graduated grammar school with Louis Taylor Pucci. Lou is a smart and fantastic young actor. So fantastic that the Independent Spirit Awards felt the need to give him with an award. When you bring metal or another type of thing that's like metal into the equation, it makes me the lesser number in the math problem.

I found this to be pretty rough for a short time. Why? Because I was being a douchebag who wasn't having fun. I liked fun, but everything was becoming a competition to me. In my head I was in direct competition with someone whose career is 1,000 times better than mine. It happened very slowly.

You see, I hadn't heard from Lou in close to 4 years. In 8th grade, he was in the Sound of Music on Broadway. I wasn’t jealous over this because in 8th grade I felt that Broadway was gay. Today, I find it to be even gayer. I didn't want to be on Broadway. I wanted to be on Saturday Night Live. It was my dream. So I didn't think they had anything in common. Fast forward to 4 years later, when I am eighteen years old. I start performing stand-up comedy and taking improv lessons. I find out a film Lou did called "Personal Velocity" made it into Sundance. Good for him! At this time -- still not jealous. No reason to be. It wins the Jury Award at Sundance. "Well, it was just a small part." Oh, that doesn't sound like me. But it was me. I realized that I should be wanting to do what he is doing. But I can't, because when he was out going to auditions since he was eleven and taking acting classes, I was calling my friends "Fags and Dicks." (I had a very homophobic teenage life.)

To Be Continued...