Monday, February 26, 2007

WANTED: GABY HOFFMAN

So. I am going on a mission and it starts tonight. I need to find Gaby Hoffman. You may remember her from Field of Dreams, or Now & Then. But I remember her for how she stole my heart. Help me find her and you're reward will be rubies and/or diamonds. I just want her to know I exist as well as maybe appear in millions of short films, I make. But don't worry about that yet.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

tune-age

I am very un-hip, or uncool. Whichever you'd prefer.
But here's my 5 favorite songs of the moment..maybe the moment, maybe the year.

FIVE FAVE SONGS OF NOW? I think it's this year

1) The Arcade Fire -
Keep The Car Running
2) Modest Mouse- Florida
3) Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Some Loud Thunder (The song. I don't like the album, but I love, love, love the song.)
4) The Klaxons - Atlantis to Interzone (it's bringing back rave culture.)
5) TIE : Beirut - Elephant Gun
Tokyo Police Club -
Nature of Experiment (not from this year but it's pretty rad and tad.)


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

spam mail

today in my gmail box my spam reached 911. i have decided any other mail that gets added to that will be deleted to also go back to 911. so i will never forget.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

GHOST RIDER

Let's get crazy in here and celebrate all of the Razzies that Ghost Rider is bound to win. I hope they sweep them. This could be the worst movie ever made.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Albums to Kiss To.

A couple of posts ago, I posted something about Bloc Party and I stated it's a good album to kiss to.

A couple of knuckleheads decided to post comments about what are other albums to kiss to.

Here's my definitive list.

ALBUMS TO KISS TO
by
Sean O'Connor

1) Albums to Kiss Someone You Love To
-The Smiths - The Queen is Dead :: Seriously, why? Because if you love the person you're with. You can kiss to any album. This one especially. I enjoy kissing to this album mostly because the music is very whimsical. I think a good song to feel someone up to is 'Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others.'

-Islands - Return To The Sea :: This album is sooooooo much fun. This album is very innocent so you'll be staying around the kissing and not move to other bases. Unless you're smooth and your name is like "Always Closes The Deal" Rick but then you don't even need an album to kiss a girl to because you'll close the deal regardless. The album goes from rocking, to cute, to rocking and cute. It also sounds like water recorded it. I like music like that.

-Love- Forever Changes :: This is a truly romantic album. Listening to this is like living inside a Valentine's decoration or just a real heart. It's pretty gross but at the same time, it has things going into that you can't understand. (I.E. arteries)

2) ALBUMS TO KISS PEOPLE YOU DON'T LOVE TO
Any Coldplay Album ::
I know, gross. I hate coldplay. But who likes it? Girls I want to make out with but don't have anything in common with. They will be like "OH, you like Coldplay? That means you're really sensitive." Then they realize I'm a good kisser and I put on the Flaming Lips' 'Soft Bulletin' and they immediately regret kissing me. But still kiss me because I'm a good kisser.

Elvis Costello - My Aim Is True :: Honestly, I love this album. It's one of my top 10 albums of all-time. But I don't know what it is about this album. But it makes me want to just kiss people but not really enjoy myself. I'm either like this album is so friggen good, thank god this making out isn't getting in the way or I'm like woah, this making out is good and so is this album.....do I love this girl? and then the girl asks "WHO IS THIS? IT SOUNDS LIKE GERMANY." And I'm like "What?" and she goes "WHAT'S GERMANY?" And I say "It's a country, you said it first." And she says "OHHHH! RIGHT! I hate germany because I'm from Spain." Then I tell her, I'm allergic to spanish people and run.


This is part 1 of a 3 part series of kissing to music. Next part is about kissing puppies

Monday, February 12, 2007

Speeding Ticket

I got a speeding ticket around Christmas in the always beautiful Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey. You see, I had been in a fight with my girlfriend and things were looking bleek. I was so sad that I started to cry. As soon as I realized that I was crying, I began to speed. The reason. I figured if you're going fast enough no one will see you cry. Well...I was wrong because no matter how fast you're going people can still see your car. Especially cops. Known for being able to decipher blurs. So.... I got pulled over and got a ticket and I paid that said ticket and to get no points it cost me...$439.00. The town of Atlantic Highlands, zinged me.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Weirdness

Weirdness.

Let's feel weird. I feel weird about everything lately. I've been hating everrrrything lately. Like anything you mention. I've hated it. I like music a little bit. But I hate everything else. Okay. Okay. I like pizza a lot of a bit. But I hate everything else. Pizza, music. Nothing else. Okay. I like the new Sarah Silverman show. But I hate everything else. This is going to go on for about 2800 more paragraphs til finally it just says okay I like everything I mentioned, but I hate people who are different from me. By that, I just mean people who can't accept other people. I hate those people. I hate people who aren't tolerant. I think that's okay to do.

One time, this guy found my myspace and decided to tell me how stupid my comedy was. He thought it was really stupid and unfunny. But on his myspace in his hobbies he said he was "Anti-Racism" but I think that if you have to say you are anti-racism than you are racist. Saying you're anti-racism is like a little girl saying she's pro-pony.

Ugh-city, USA.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

How To Get Visitors To Your Blog

How To Get Visitors To Your Blog


America. A place full of blogs. Everyone has one (me included.) But did you know my blog gets over 4 billion visitors a day. It's true. My blog is incredibly popular in asian countries. It's the truth. I figured out why. When my poorly written blog is translated into an asian language, it becomes one of the most intelligent things to ever be put on the internet. When my writing is translated into an asian language I can be mentioned in the same breathe as Hemingway or Wilde. But not Murakami, since he wrote in an asian language there was no translating needed. That's just one of the ways to get more visitors to your blog. Here's some of my tips.

1. LIE!

Whoever said lieing is bad, must not have a blog. Lieing is such a good way to get people to visit your blog. Like say for instance you wanted to get people to read your super awesome review of that Def Leppard concert you went to, but you have no readers. Do this. Post a post saying you found unreleased Neutral Milk Hotel tracks in a hotel room safe. Then post mp3's of them.

YOU: But Sean. I don't have unreleased Neutral Milk Hotel tracks.

Idiot. Just make them. Buy some glass and then break it while you're recording yourself off-key singing. People will think. "Woah, this is super indie."

YOU: Shouldn't I just post live tracks of them playing songs that actually exist?

This is why no one wants to read your shitty blog. You aren't creative enough. A Neutral Milk Hotel super-fan would know that the live song is an actual real song that they already have 5 different recordings of. If you break glass and sing off-key about Anne Frank. They will believe it because Jeff Mangum is notorious for doing field recordings. I don't know what field recordings are but it probably involves breaking glass.

YOU: Well, what if they don't believe me?

This is where you reel them in. Post your best writings directly under the fake mp3's. So when people are killing time while it's being downloaded, they have no choice but to read the posts below. They'll be like. "Wow! This guy has a really interesting take on sneaker shopping. Let me bookmark this and I'll read some more tomorrow. Woah, this song is super indie!"

That's option 1.

2. Comment on More Popular Blogs

See this is commonly referred to as being friendly. But everyone knows there is no real friends in the blog world. Everyone is competition. There are only a few jobs writing for the MTV blog. Do you want it or do you want your friend Pete's Head Full of Thoughts to get it? YOU WANT IT! So just find a post on a more popular blog's blog and post in the comments "That is so true." It will work.

YOU: What if it's not something you can say "It's True" to.

Trust me. It will be. Even if it's just a thing that says "Man, It's a Sunday." Just say "That is so true." BECAUSE IT IS! Just agree. Don't you know how to make friends? Even if you don't agree...AGREE! He's the 15th most popular blogger in New York. The most BLOGGY state in the world, nevermind AMERICA. You want to be on his blogroll. Just pretend to agree and then post a blog on yours that says..."Just kidding, I don't think black people suck." It will clear your conscience because the guy with the 15th most popular blog in New York, does not have time to read your very unpopular blog. Trust me.

3. Naked Pictures

Here's one I haven't tried, but you should. Post naked pictures of celebrities.

YOU: How do I get them?

There is two ways.
A) Steal them from another website. If you do this, make sure not to give credit. You're a blogger. You're too cool to be humble.
B) Make your own.

YOU: I don't know celebrities.

You don't need to know celebrities to make celebrity porn. Ever hear of fake celebrity porn? It's pretty popular.

Here's how you do this.

STEP 1: Download an illegal copy of Photo Shop Pro.
STEP 2: Get some non-naked photos of celebrities. (May I suggest Lindsay Lohan or Scarlett Johannsen)
STEP 3: Get naked pictures of non-celebrities.
STEP 4: Combine the first 3 steps.
STEP 5: Publish blog.

YOU: I'm not good at Photo Shop Pro, though.

You don't have to be. People who look at fake celebrity porn aren't looking for accuracy. They are looking for fake celebrity porn and how do you know Lindsay Lohan's very tan face with sunglasses walking into a party, isn't completely nude with her body turned a weird way and gigantic un-tanned breasts hanging out with a different background. HOW DO YOU KNOW?
You don't know.

Everybody knows those are the only ways to get people to read your blog. If you have another idea, you don't have a popular blog.

Friday, February 9, 2007

butts.

Today was February 9, 2007.

2/9/07. Add those up. That's right 18.

Which brings me to the movie the Number 23!

What's the plot for this?

A man (Carrey) becomes obsessed with a book that appears to be based on his life but ends with a murder that has yet to happen in real life.

YIKES! Sounds awfully familiar.
But what was that other movie?
What's this movie about? Funny I should stumble upon this...

The Plot is: An IRS auditor suddenly finds himself the subject of narration only he can hear: narration that begins to affect his entire life, from his work, to his love-interest, to his death.

EEK! THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR! Wait, but Will Ferrell has a lot of experience in comedy.

NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: But Sean then realized that so did Jim Carrey.

Wait, I just heard a voice.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: Sean was hearing voices more and more it's because he was to be killed in the next 2 weeks.

Wait, no.. I can't be killed. Who's speaking? I was just talking about the coincidences about The Number 23 and Stranger Than Fiction.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: He didn't realize the irony of his blog about the two aforementioned movies because he was stuck in the same vortex they were. There was nothing he could do to change it.

Well, what if I didn't see The Number 23.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: I didn't think that would help him live but he shouldn't see it because it's made by Joel Schumacher. His arch-nemesis.

He's not my arch-nemesis.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: He had no clue he would die by the hands of the man who created Batman and Robin.

Wait. Wait. Wait. I would not even be near Joel Schumacher.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: Then the phone rang.

Oh my God! My phone is ringing. This is too weird.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: It was his manager, the manager that hadn't been calling him back over the past two weeks. This was peculiar to Sean. Sean had felt like he fell out of his managers favor as of late. His manager explained to him that he had an audition to appear in the Joel Schumacher's horror film "Town Creek." Sean was delighted but then the blood in his veins because to turn cold as he dropped his phone in terror. He knew what this could mean for his career but he also had been hearing a voice that had been telling him to avoid all Joel Schumacher films. He fainted then awoke and walked over to his computer. Never telling his manager 'No.'

The weirdest fucking thing just happened. I got asked to audition to be in the new Joel Schumacher film. I'm torn. I don't know what I should do. But I can tell you, I won't be seeing the Number 23 because this idea is shitty.




Thursday, February 8, 2007

BLOC PARTY IS BACK

I wish I knew how to make MP3's available for download. But the new Bloc Party album is a fun album to kiss too. I haven't done it yet. But I will. Anyway, here's the the single's video!

sheck-it-out.




I know every video I've posted has been from someone from the UK.

I like them better.

Anna Nicole Smith, We Hardly Knew Ye...

Anna Nicole Smith, we hardly knew ye.
Really. I know nothing about you other than your awesome performance in Naked Gun 33 1/3 or that soft-core pornographic film you financed with your inherited millions. Oh, you also wrote and directed it.

Which is crazy! You. Anna Nicole Smith, wrote and directed, produced and starred in a film. That's crazy! And now you're gone. For serious I know I am going to miss you.

Your long blonde hair,
your very wide smile.
The vacant look in your eyes
and that crazy laugh.
How I'll miss those.
The chubby days,
the drugged out gaze.
Oh, those boobs.
We'll miss you.
A walking punchline
now a tragic figure.
Sadness takes control.

-Robert Frost's immortal poem--- "Anna Nicole Smith will be a person" - 1953

I think for the day she dies you can look at her naked pictures without feeling like a creep. Tomorrow? That's another story.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Sadness

The sadness begun tonight. It was the first Here's The Thing at the PIT. It made me feel terrible. So terrible that I considered punching myself in the face (beat) a lot. It was horrible. Sad Sad Sad.

In other news, puppies are adorable.

Monday, February 5, 2007

The Klaxons

Besides Lily Allen right now, I am digging the Klaxons. They are crazy good and you can tell this because they do lots of drugs. Which of course makes bands better than they are.



Guys, you heard it here first. I'm going to quit comedy and join the counter culture that is raving. See ya in 1999.

I never got raves, only because everyone I knew who went to raves were creeps. Who wants to go to a place that's full of creeps? Not me. At least, not me then. Me now wants too!

So if anyone has any raves invite me. invite me.

Alfie

This is the video for the new Lily Allen video. It's awesome.

Hype or Buzz



There's been hype or is it Buzz?


Right now for whatever reason Here's The Thing is getting a lot of press attention from different things and it feels weird because I ind of feel like we don't deserve all of it. Just a little bit of it.








But we are fielding all of these gigantic magazine's requests to come to the show. That's weird. I feel weird about it.




But I like buzz or hype. I get behind artists that have it. Like for the past two months I've been enamored with Lily Allen.


Not just because of her sly looks but also because I enjoy her music as well as being a crazy anglo-phile. I kind of want people to find my obsession with all things British to be a bit much. But no one even realizes it. I should not like England as much as I do because of the fact I'm Irish. But I've decided to let everything slide. Sorryzzzz. It's all because of Lily Allen. I think she might be the key to that strife. Maybez? I hope so. As I type this I'm looking at the picture of her and she's clearly drunk and I'm okay with that. She seems like maybe she'd be fun to be around.


LILY ALLEN: Play 'DREAMING' by Blondie!

ME (Sean O'Connor): I just did.

LILY ALLEN: Play it again, and I'll blow you.

ME: Okay.


And I play it and she doesn't blow me. But we laugh about the idea of it. It was really funny. You don't expect that out of future pop sensations or current. I think it might be current. She's getting praise from everyone but my girlfriend. With good reason. I'm just hoping she succeeds with this career or should I root against her? That might be a good idea cause if she failed and I succeed it would be different. Cause she would have lived my experience already and vice versa. However, my failures were very miniscule and not like an epic failure of my entire career. But let's not root against her because what if she does fail and then we meet and then she realizes I had a blog and like SHE REALLY LIKES ME, so she reads all the back blogs. Then she reads this and goes "Woah, he cursed me." I know, I know. I really think like this. I'm just too awesome for words.


So last but not least, check out if the hype is well deserved or not on Tuesday February 6th @ The PIT. Tickets on Sale Now @ thepit-nyc.com.


PLEASE?

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Factory Girl

I went to the movies and saw "Factory Girl" and I had kind of a lot of fun. I felt like I liked the movie because I thought it was pretty well acted. Mostly Guy Pearce as Andy Warhol and Sienna Miller as Edie Sedgwick.

But the fun all started to happen when Hayden Christiansen walked on screen as "FOLK SINGER" (aka Bob Dylan.) Now here's where it got fun. When you are supposed to be portraying Bob Dylan and you can't use Bob Dylan's name, you should probably not use his voice. Especially when you can't do his voice. I was having so much fun up until he came in and screwed it all up for me. The most not fun person in the world was this Folk Singer. Also, could be because as soon as he came into her life that's when she kind of fell into a world of heavy drugging. Which was not fun too watch.

All in all, I liked it pretty okay. I'd give it a 3 and a half rabbits out of 6 rabbits.

A made up rating system.

I've been getting into art a lot recently and uh, Andy Warhol is something that interests me. Some of his work is a really cool take on art, but then some of his stuff wasn't art at all. It was like "For my next piece of work, I will have a party and not everyone is invited." "Uhm, Andy. That's not art." "NO! IT IS!" "No, that's just being a kind of shitty friend." "Well you wouldn't expect me to be a shitty friend, that makes it art." "No, we do expect you to be a shitty friend. You're very self-centered." "Well then I did what you expected me too. That's art." "Oh, I get it! You are a genius."

That's any day at the FACTORY!

Thursday, February 1, 2007

dancin'

we should be dancing under the butt of the moon.