GHOST RIDER

Let's get crazy in here and celebrate all of the Razzies that Ghost Rider is bound to win. I hope they sweep them. This could be the worst movie ever made.

Albums to Kiss To.

A couple of posts ago, I posted something about Bloc Party and I stated it's a good album to kiss to.

A couple of knuckleheads decided to post comments about what are other albums to kiss to.

Here's my definitive list.

ALBUMS TO KISS TO
by
Sean O'Connor

1) Albums to Kiss Someone You Love To
-The Smiths - The Queen is Dead :: Seriously, why? Because if you love the person you're with. You can kiss to any album. This one especially. I enjoy kissing to this album mostly because the music is very whimsical. I think a good song to feel someone up to is 'Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others.'

-Islands - Return To The Sea :: This album is sooooooo much fun. This album is very innocent so you'll be staying around the kissing and not move to other bases. Unless you're smooth and your name is like "Always Closes The Deal" Rick but then you don't even need an album to kiss a girl to because you'll close the deal regardless. The album goes from rocking, to cute, to rocking and cute. It also sounds like water recorded it. I like music like that.

-Love- Forever Changes :: This is a truly romantic album. Listening to this is like living inside a Valentine's decoration or just a real heart. It's pretty gross but at the same time, it has things going into that you can't understand. (I.E. arteries)

2) ALBUMS TO KISS PEOPLE YOU DON'T LOVE TO
Any Coldplay Album :: I know, gross. I hate coldplay. But who likes it? Girls I want to make out with but don't have anything in common with. They will be like "OH, you like Coldplay? That means you're really sensitive." Then they realize I'm a good kisser and I put on the Flaming Lips' 'Soft Bulletin' and they immediately regret kissing me. But still kiss me because I'm a good kisser.

Elvis Costello - My Aim Is True :: Honestly, I love this album. It's one of my top 10 albums of all-time. But I don't know what it is about this album. But it makes me want to just kiss people but not really enjoy myself. I'm either like this album is so friggen good, thank god this making out isn't getting in the way or I'm like woah, this making out is good and so is this album.....do I love this girl? and then the girl asks "WHO IS THIS? IT SOUNDS LIKE GERMANY." And I'm like "What?" and she goes "WHAT'S GERMANY?" And I say "It's a country, you said it first." And she says "OHHHH! RIGHT! I hate germany because I'm from Spain." Then I tell her, I'm allergic to spanish people and run.


This is part 1 of a 3 part series of kissing to music. Next part is about kissing puppies

Speeding Ticket

I got a speeding ticket around Christmas in the always beautiful Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey. You see, I had been in a fight with my girlfriend and things were looking bleek. I was so sad that I started to cry. As soon as I realized that I was crying, I began to speed. The reason. I figured if you're going fast enough no one will see you cry. Well...I was wrong because no matter how fast you're going people can still see your car. Especially cops. Known for being able to decipher blurs. So.... I got pulled over and got a ticket and I paid that said ticket and to get no points it cost me...$439.00. The town of Atlantic Highlands, zinged me.

Weirdness

Weirdness.

Let's feel weird. I feel weird about everything lately. I've been hating everrrrything lately. Like anything you mention. I've hated it. I like music a little bit. But I hate everything else. Okay. Okay. I like pizza a lot of a bit. But I hate everything else. Pizza, music. Nothing else. Okay. I like the new Sarah Silverman show. But I hate everything else. This is going to go on for about 2800 more paragraphs til finally it just says okay I like everything I mentioned, but I hate people who are different from me. By that, I just mean people who can't accept other people. I hate those people. I hate people who aren't tolerant. I think that's okay to do.

One time, this guy found my myspace and decided to tell me how stupid my comedy was. He thought it was really stupid and unfunny. But on his myspace in his hobbies he said he was "Anti-Racism" but I think that if you have to say you are anti-racism than you are racist. Saying you're anti-racism is like a little girl saying she's pro-pony.

Ugh-city, USA.

How To Get Visitors To Your Blog

How To Get Visitors To Your Blog


America. A place full of blogs. Everyone has one (me included.) But did you know my blog gets over 4 billion visitors a day. It's true. My blog is incredibly popular in asian countries. It's the truth. I figured out why. When my poorly written blog is translated into an asian language, it becomes one of the most intelligent things to ever be put on the internet. When my writing is translated into an asian language I can be mentioned in the same breathe as Hemingway or Wilde. But not Murakami, since he wrote in an asian language there was no translating needed. That's just one of the ways to get more visitors to your blog. Here's some of my tips.

1. LIE!

Whoever said lieing is bad, must not have a blog. Lieing is such a good way to get people to visit your blog. Like say for instance you wanted to get people to read your super awesome review of that Def Leppard concert you went to, but you have no readers. Do this. Post a post saying you found unreleased Neutral Milk Hotel tracks in a hotel room safe. Then post mp3's of them.

YOU: But Sean. I don't have unreleased Neutral Milk Hotel tracks.

Idiot. Just make them. Buy some glass and then break it while you're recording yourself off-key singing. People will think. "Woah, this is super indie."

YOU: Shouldn't I just post live tracks of them playing songs that actually exist?

This is why no one wants to read your shitty blog. You aren't creative enough. A Neutral Milk Hotel super-fan would know that the live song is an actual real song that they already have 5 different recordings of. If you break glass and sing off-key about Anne Frank. They will believe it because Jeff Mangum is notorious for doing field recordings. I don't know what field recordings are but it probably involves breaking glass.

YOU: Well, what if they don't believe me?

This is where you reel them in. Post your best writings directly under the fake mp3's. So when people are killing time while it's being downloaded, they have no choice but to read the posts below. They'll be like. "Wow! This guy has a really interesting take on sneaker shopping. Let me bookmark this and I'll read some more tomorrow. Woah, this song is super indie!"

That's option 1.

2. Comment on More Popular Blogs

See this is commonly referred to as being friendly. But everyone knows there is no real friends in the blog world. Everyone is competition. There are only a few jobs writing for the MTV blog. Do you want it or do you want your friend Pete's Head Full of Thoughts to get it? YOU WANT IT! So just find a post on a more popular blog's blog and post in the comments "That is so true." It will work.

YOU: What if it's not something you can say "It's True" to.

Trust me. It will be. Even if it's just a thing that says "Man, It's a Sunday." Just say "That is so true." BECAUSE IT IS! Just agree. Don't you know how to make friends? Even if you don't agree...AGREE! He's the 15th most popular blogger in New York. The most BLOGGY state in the world, nevermind AMERICA. You want to be on his blogroll. Just pretend to agree and then post a blog on yours that says..."Just kidding, I don't think black people suck." It will clear your conscience because the guy with the 15th most popular blog in New York, does not have time to read your very unpopular blog. Trust me.

3. Naked Pictures

Here's one I haven't tried, but you should. Post naked pictures of celebrities.

YOU: How do I get them?

There is two ways.
A) Steal them from another website. If you do this, make sure not to give credit. You're a blogger. You're too cool to be humble.
B) Make your own.

YOU: I don't know celebrities.

You don't need to know celebrities to make celebrity porn. Ever hear of fake celebrity porn? It's pretty popular.

Here's how you do this.

STEP 1: Download an illegal copy of Photo Shop Pro.
STEP 2: Get some non-naked photos of celebrities. (May I suggest Lindsay Lohan or Scarlett Johannsen)
STEP 3: Get naked pictures of non-celebrities.
STEP 4: Combine the first 3 steps.
STEP 5: Publish blog.

YOU: I'm not good at Photo Shop Pro, though.

You don't have to be. People who look at fake celebrity porn aren't looking for accuracy. They are looking for fake celebrity porn and how do you know Lindsay Lohan's very tan face with sunglasses walking into a party, isn't completely nude with her body turned a weird way and gigantic un-tanned breasts hanging out with a different background. HOW DO YOU KNOW?
You don't know.

Everybody knows those are the only ways to get people to read your blog. If you have another idea, you don't have a popular blog.

butts.

Today was February 9, 2007.

2/9/07. Add those up. That's right 18.

Which brings me to the movie the Number 23!

What's the plot for this?

A man (Carrey) becomes obsessed with a book that appears to be based on his life but ends with a murder that has yet to happen in real life.

YIKES! Sounds awfully familiar.
But what was that other movie?
What's this movie about? Funny I should stumble upon this...

The Plot is: An IRS auditor suddenly finds himself the subject of narration only he can hear: narration that begins to affect his entire life, from his work, to his love-interest, to his death.

EEK! THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR! Wait, but Will Ferrell has a lot of experience in comedy.

NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: But Sean then realized that so did Jim Carrey.

Wait, I just heard a voice.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: Sean was hearing voices more and more it's because he was to be killed in the next 2 weeks.

Wait, no.. I can't be killed. Who's speaking? I was just talking about the coincidences about The Number 23 and Stranger Than Fiction.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: He didn't realize the irony of his blog about the two aforementioned movies because he was stuck in the same vortex they were. There was nothing he could do to change it.

Well, what if I didn't see The Number 23.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: I didn't think that would help him live but he shouldn't see it because it's made by Joel Schumacher. His arch-nemesis.

He's not my arch-nemesis.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: He had no clue he would die by the hands of the man who created Batman and Robin.

Wait. Wait. Wait. I would not even be near Joel Schumacher.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: Then the phone rang.

Oh my God! My phone is ringing. This is too weird.


NARRATOR WHO'S WRITING A BOOK THAT INVOLVES MY LIFE IN SOME WAY: It was his manager, the manager that hadn't been calling him back over the past two weeks. This was peculiar to Sean. Sean had felt like he fell out of his managers favor as of late. His manager explained to him that he had an audition to appear in the Joel Schumacher's horror film "Town Creek." Sean was delighted but then the blood in his veins because to turn cold as he dropped his phone in terror. He knew what this could mean for his career but he also had been hearing a voice that had been telling him to avoid all Joel Schumacher films. He fainted then awoke and walked over to his computer. Never telling his manager 'No.'

The weirdest fucking thing just happened. I got asked to audition to be in the new Joel Schumacher film. I'm torn. I don't know what I should do. But I can tell you, I won't be seeing the Number 23 because this idea is shitty.

BLOC PARTY IS BACK

I wish I knew how to make MP3's available for download. But the new Bloc Party album is a fun album to kiss too. I haven't done it yet. But I will. Anyway, here's the the single's video!

sheck-it-out.




I know every video I've posted has been from someone from the UK.

I like them better.