Friday, October 5, 2007


I'm on tour. I enjoy touring. Tora, Tora, Tour.

I was in Washington, DC, a city that's free-falling (hopefully, into the ocean.) We performed at a place called DC-9 which was this really cool rock club who's main objective was to not promote our show for us because we didn't promote our show, either. Thus, our problem. We showed up there knowing we knew 3 people between us. Those 3 people came and left happy. But other people showed up on a whim so the show wasn't a complete waste of time. We had about twenty people there which was perfect because that's how many we needed so that the place made money and we did not. We hit that mark so hard they didn't give us money. I love that about them. I hope to perform in DC in the Spring at the same venue or some place smaller. No preference, I just enjoyed myself a ton there.

Our next stop was Rutgers University. Let me let you in on a secret. Colleges pay tremendously. (when you go through the school) We got caught up in a weird thing with a student and our show bounced around from location to location from definite money to door deal to last night's "PLEASE TIP THE COMICS". The show turned out to be an amazing show. Everyone did great. Jacqueline Novak appeared on both shows with us and we love her dearly. Last night, Jamie Kilstein also did a guest spot and he was great. So far so good. We have one more show tonight and then it's Ithaca College on Monday for guarenteed money! Exciting much? I am excited to be able to afford laughter. I haven't smiled or laughed in two days, can not afford it.

Love you all,


Thursday, April 5, 2007


I wrote a screenplay when I was 12 years old. I really thought it was good, when I was 12 years old. Apparently you realize how awful of a 12 year old writer you are right about now. I was just googling my name for hours. Like always and I stumbled upon this little bad boy, that I FORGOT I WROTE! So I didn't edit this at all, this is how I wrote it. No edits. This is raw!

Sean O'Connor's Kids of America

Kids of America

Sean O'Connor

Kids of America

(Scene opens to a Basketball court in the middle of a DriveWay. You
see one kid who is just passing the ball and one that's shooting. Then
steps in another who picks up the ball.)

Kenny: Hey Dudes.

Seth: Yo Duder.

Randy: Dudes, Stop it with the dudes.

Kenny:No Dude.

Seth: Dude. Dude, Dude stop it dude.

Randy: Narly Dude. But don't you think it would be cool if we ever
made it into Pro Sports.

Kenny: No. Dude.

Randy: Didn't you ever want to be in Sports Dude??

Seth: Yes, Yes, a long long time ago. When I was a young boy.

Kenny: Ok Dude. I'm gonna be like um... there.

Randy: If Garbage and Hootie And The Blowfish mixed together they
would be Hootie's Garbage is BloWFISH.

Seth: Otay. So is this what all normal kid's do?

Kenny: Well Dude, I don't know.

Randy: Of Course, were actually some of the smartest kids though.

Randy: Then again.

(Scene changes to a park)

Seth: Waz up Homeys??

Amber: Shut Up Seth.

Kenny: Did you know toast is hot??

Randy: Too Be or not To Be.. Thereforth a Fair Maide who stands there......

Seth: Where for my dout Romeo?

Amber: No.

Kenny: If my name began with a J I would be Jenny. Also if i was
purple I would be sick.

Seth:I got a 139 IQ.

Kenny: I got #1 IQ. I'm #1. I'm #1. Kenny RUlez.

Randy: Kenny Rulez.

Amber: Hey Seth wanna go to a Movie??

Seth: Would I??

Amber: That's what I want to know.

Seth: Your all morons. You are.

Jack: Super Dee Duper. Hey Hey My Fabuloso Peoples. I'm Buff, I'm The
Stuff, and Hey What's my line again.

Randy: Everybody's a Suspect. I Spy The Friendly Skies, In order to
have some pie. In the eye.

Kenny: Don't Lie.

Randy: I.. I.. Fly!!

Randy: Amber would you go out with me??

Amber: Um... No.

Randy: Lika Lika Lika OUCH!!

Kenny: Ouchie ouchie Tamagootchie!!

Randy:Woodstock Baby!! 3 Days of Mad Cool Rock and Roll and Shagadelic
VIbes Baby Yeah!!

Seth: You guys are stupid did you know that??

Both: Stupid Is as Stupid Does Sir.

Amber: Pyschos. Losers. Pure Losers.

Seth: Exactly, Exactly my point. Now that you 2 morons are occupied
how about we have a fiesta tonight.

Randy: Huh?

Kenny: The square root of 44 is 11 equaled into the isosles of a
square that turns into a angle.

Amber: Like um.. no. Like as if Kenny. Kenny you are such a moron like Whatever!

Randy: Hehe she said Az if. Alright Alicia.

Amber: You really think so.

Randy: Whatever.

Seth: Did you notice all of the people staring at us we've been
sitting here talk for like ever.

Tiffany: Like Hey, Amber.

Randy: Howdy Ho Tiffy.

Tiffany: Get away from ME Creep.

Kenny: Hey Sup Dude??

Tiffany: I am not a Dude. Do I look like a Dude I think not loser boy
get away from me. LOSER!!

Seth: Hey Tiffany.

Tiffany: Hey Seth. How can you hang with these dopes.

Randy: I am not a DRUG!! Leave me alone. I am Batman.

Kenny: I am Superman. Up Up and Away!!!

Randy: It's a Bird, It's a Plan It's Super DUDE Man. DUDE!!

Seth: I don't know I really don't know why I hang with them.

Kenny: Seth because me and you are buddys.

Randy: Budday. Budday. Budday.

Kenny: Budday Budday Stop It Budday. Are you my Budday Budday??

Randy: Budday.


Randy: Ahhhhhhh!!!


Amber: What??

Seth: Show Me!!

Tiffany: You know Amber, like we are going to taht party tonight. And
we must pick up Cici.

Amber: Like For Sure.

Randy: Yo Yo You Will All Respect My Authoriti!!

Tiffany: Ok. Feeling all right, Stop
taking so much Prozak.

Kenny: Party Party, Did somebody say Party?? And how come I didn't
hear about this??

Tiffany: Because you weren't invited.



Kenny: Ice Ice Baby Do Do Dood Do Do Do. Now Check It Spin It while my
DJ Recalls it.

Randy: You Got The Right Stuff Baby!!!

Tiffany & Amber: NEVER!! Oh like alright.

(Randy & Kenny was moonwalking through the crowds of people)

Seth: Kenny & Randy quit making fools of yourself.

Tiffany: That's what they do best.

Cici: Like Hi Tiffy and Amber. Hi Seth. What are they doing here??

Randy: X-Files Episode 209.

Kenny: No Definetly 101.

Randy: No it's the one where the Alien comes down to earth and kidnaps
Gillian Anderson.

Kenny: No. I'm right on this one it's 101. When David Duchovney
realizes he's a guy.

Randy: Good Point. Shall we move on.

Randy: Hey John.

John: Sup Randy.

Randy: Not your fly. Hehe.

Kenny: Sup Joey??

Joey: Nothin Homie.

Kenny: Step away. Are you Wyclef??

Joey: Heck no.

Randy: What's my motivation.

CiCi: TO Get The Out of my House you Loser.

Randy: WOW!!!

Kenny: YEA. Hear that language honey??

GIrl: Do I know you??

Kenny: NO!!!

Girl: Then get away from me upchuck.

Kenny: Love that name. Call me it again honey.

Girl: CALL 911 THIS PERV Won't Leave ME ALONE!!!

Randy: I know You Wanna Get With ME!!!

Tiff: Talk to the Hand.

Cici: Oh My Gawd. I can't believe these creeps. KLenny & Randy gotta go.

Randy: I don't gotta go to the bathroom.


Kenny: She thinks she's an animal. I love this Game. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Randy: I know your a Chicken..

Kenny: No Stupid I'm a Dog. MOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Randy: Right Chickens go Rough Rough.

Seth: Hey Cici.

Cici: Like Hey Seth. You gotta get rid of those imbusles.

Seth: No can do.

Tiffany: Seth is looking FINE!!

Amber: Yuck!

Seth: Amber is Looking FINE!!!

Kenny: Yuck!!

Randy: Hey I think that she's pretty.

Seth: That's a card board cut-up.

Kenny: DIBS!!

Amber: I am going to ask that guy out.

Vinnie: Hey Hey CHick.

Amber: What's up??

Vinnie: Wanna dance??

Amber: Yea with that Cute Guy over there.

Amber: Hey Randy.

Randy: This is a Bunch of Tree Huggin Hippy Crap.

Amber: Randy sup??

Randy: I hate School.

Amber: Randy??

Randy: Hey Kenny.

Kenny: No your not getting it.

Randy: Stop Ouch. That hurts.

Kenny: Haha. Loser. It's all MINE ALL MINE. Right Seth??

Seth: huh??

Kenny: Hey.

Jamie: HiYa.

Kenny: Like you are cool.

Jamie: Like you are like cool too.

Joey: Hey Kenny remember when you puked 4th Grade:

Jamie: Bye.

Kenny: Remember when I kicked your butt.

Joey: No.

Kenny: How about now??

Seth: FIGHT!!!


Seth: Hehe COOL.

Randy: I've never seen this side of you Seth.


Amber: I think he's drunk.

Tiffany: He definetly is.

Kenny: Could be??

Randy: Might be.

Kenny: HOME RUN!!! He's drunk.

Tiffany: Geeze, I liked him too.

Seth: Hey guys don't you hate De Ja Vu??

Seth: Hey guys don't you hate De Ja Vu??

Kenny: Like so like what's up??

Kenny:Ummmmmm This taffy smells wonderful.

Amber: That's nice.

Randy: Hey I got an idea for a movie. "A girl mom dies, and she gets sad."


Kenny :Points in the air: DUDE THAT COULD WIN AN OSCAR! Man.

Randy: Hey CIci.

Cici: Step away.

Randy: Please like I just need to know where the bathroom is?

Cici: That's it get OUT OF MY PARTY!! YOU AND KENNY!!!

Kenny: What??

:People all staring at them:

Both: We Know What Your Thinking. Were not gonna do what we all think
were gonna do. FLIPPPPP OUT MAAAAN!!! :Going nuts:

Randy: Now Who's Coming with US?? WHO'S COMING WITH
US?? C'mon Who is COming With Us??

:Some girl rasies her hand:

Kenny: Thank You Whatever Your name Is? Thank You.

Jennifer: Like Would you go out with me?

Kenny: NOPE I'm A Homo A BIG ONE!!!

Jennifer: Ewww!!


:Some gay guy raises his hand:

Randy: You don't qualify Gay Guy. WHo Else Is COming With Us??

:They all start partying again.:

Kenny: Talk about your all time biggest backfires.

Randy: I feel unwanted :(

Kenny: Where's Seth??

Randy: Don't know don't care.

Kenny: He went to the other side.

Randy: The Dark Side.

Kenny: Wanna go home and go on America online??

Randy: Sure why not? I hear that Bigbuns11 is in Teen Chat 101.

Kenny: Oh Yea Sweet buns!!

Randy: Bill Clinton called Monica Lewinsky that.

Kenny: Dude that's not in the script.

Kenny: Hmmm that's intresting. I gotta do WHAT???

Randy: Yea it is. Oh No that's when I get a......... Arrested.

Kenny: And yea and that's when I got Lay's Potato Chips You Can't Just Eat One.

Randy: That's a good chip

Amber: You guys haven't left yet??

Randy: We don't have any money or transportation and a Monkey stole my Pants!!

Kenny: The monkey ain't going near dese babies!!

Amber: That's because your wereing nothing.

Amber: Randy I'll get you pants.

Randy: Man I felt the pretty breeze.

AmbeR: Sickness.

Kenny: Puking.

Randy: Hurling.

AmbeR: Disgusting both of you. Better clean up your acts.

Kenny: We take Showers. At least one of us does.

Randy: That can not be proven in a court of law. My Dawg, Yea that's
it crawled all over these shorts. Yea that's it.

Kenny: Welcome to Jurassic Park, Tiffany!!

Tiffany: Welcome to my Foot in your nuts.

Randy: Haha.

Randy: MY NUTS.


Randy: Dork!!

Kenny: She kicked us in the JUNK!!

Amber: Losers.

Tiffany: When are they gonna learn that girls rule??

Randy: (British Accent) Girl Power!! Spice Girls. I am so Sporty!! Emma!

Kenny: (In British Accent) I am too Posh. Girl Power fight for your
liberal rights.

Amber: They are so stupid.

Randy: No were not.

Kenny: I didn't spend 7 Years in Kindergarten because I WAS STUPID!!!

Randy: Kenny you didn't spend 7 years in Kindergarten.

Kenny: Shut up Randy.

Tiffany: Why don't we go get those hot guys in there to dance with us?

Randy: Do you have to mention in there??

Tiffany: Can we go IN THERE??

Randy: Don't care. One day oh yes I will meet Jim Breuer.

Amber: Weirdo.

Kenny: Weirdo.

Randy: Weirdo.

Tiffany: Dorks.

Kenny: You ruined it.

Tiffany: So what?

Randy: Look who it is? It's SETH.

Kenny: Hey Trader. Oops I mean Seth.

Randy: Good one.

Seth: I was just chillen inside for a lil'.

Randy: OK Busta Ryhmes!!

Kenny: Seth you hate us right?

Randy: WHY?

Kenny: WHY?

Seth: No why?

Kenny: Just felt like saying WHY!!

Seth: I outtie Yo.

:Party scene ends:

Roy: Hey guys.

Kenny: Hey.

Roy: What's wrong with Randy?

Kenny: Randy's X-Files Calender Surprisingly Disappeared.

Randy: Man.

Roy: Oh Man good thing I got mine all nice and snuggled.

Randy: Ahhhh!!

Kenny: Poor thing.

Roy: Have you seen Seth?

Kenny: Not since the parrrrrrrrrrtaaaaaaaaay!!

Randy: I saw him leave in a STRAAAAAAAANGE Black Van. Never saw it
before. And I think he has my calender.

Roy: Hmmmm..... Let's try to look for him. Ahhh he's probaly sleeping.

Jack: Hey guys.

Jack: What was the emergency?

Kenny: Jack what's with the PJ's?

Jack: Hey I didn't come here to get made fun of.

Randy: Jack, Why don't you go home to get changed.

:Jack starts running.:

:Roy, Kenny and Randy run over to him:



Randy: Hehe Cool.

Roy: Jack you alright? That seemed like it hurt.

Jack: Mommy I don't wanna go to school I didn't do my homework.

Randy: Duh!! He tells his mom he doesn't do his homework he's a bad liar.

Kenny: Shut Up Dude. He might have broken a nail.

Jack: Dude I am alright.

:Phone rings.:

Roy: Hello.

Strange Voice: I'm not interupting anything am I?

Roy: Randy umm.. it's for you.

Randy: Umm.. Hello.

Strange Voice: Do you know who this is?

Randy: Umm.. Could it be Lamb Chop? You finally returned my letters
and stuff. Thank You.

Strange Voice: We got your friend. He'll be dead in less then 48 Hours
if you don't give us the Card.

Randy: What Card?

Strange Voice: YOUR Ken Griffey Jr. Rookie Card.

Randy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Roy you take it. :Crying:

Roy: Listen up, Dork. Don't threaten my friends.

Seth: Oooooowwwwwwww!! He's got me. Give him all he wants.

Strange Voice: Meet me at the Beach at 12. In 48 Hours.

:Amber, Tiffany, and CiCi walk over.:

Amber: What happened to Randy? He is like in tears.

Randy: They want my Ken Griffey Jr. Rookie Card. Who cares about Seth?

Tiffany: Where's Seth?

Roy: He's been kidnapped.

Kenny: We gotta find him.

:FLashes over to The Evil Doctor's Lair.:

Dr.McGroin: Haha I knew it would work. Now I would get the Card. And I
can sell it for 1 billion dollars. Hahaha. Seth why aren't you touchin
your food. It's only Macaroni and RATS.

Seth: Dude let me go and I'll get you a Griffey Rookie.

Dr.McGroin: I don't want yours. I want. I want.

Seth: You don't know what you want.

Dr.McGroin: So. I want money. Money money. I love money. And Seth you
will attract alot of that.

:Flashes back to the park.:

TIffany: *69.

Amber: Hello is like Seth there?

Dr.McGroin: Yes he is.

Kenny: I want Seth back you dirty little......

Amber: Mr...

Dr.McGroin: My name Holden. Holden McGroin and you call me Mr. I
didn't spend 7 Years in Medical School to be called Mr.

Amber: Sorry, I just wanted to know. Can we give you money for you to
release Seth?

Roy: Let me talk to Holden McGroin. Hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahhahaha.

Dr.McGroin: Oh if it isn't the Next Sherlock Holmes Roy Zario. Roy I
am familiar with your work. Like the time you found out I blew up the
whole darn City. Roy for only 13 Years old you are smart. But this ia
my smartest move yet. Hahaha.

Roy: Listen up Holden. I hate you and you hate me. But I know Seth we
are cousins. I am not gonna let you take him away. Now I will give you
300 dollers for him back. Now you better do it or your dead.

Dr.McGroin: Ok see you there. Loser. DISTANT Cousins Hahaha.

:Flashes to Labratory.:

Dr.McGroin: I am getting 300 Buckaroonis because i kidnapped you. I
can't belive it. This is so fantastic.

Seth: You'll never get away with this.

Dr.McGroin: I already have.

:Flashes to a Street.:

Joey: I love you, you love me. Where a happy family.

Strange Voice: Come here.

Joey: Ok.

Strange Voice: You like Candy? Then come on in.

Joey: Do I?

:Joey goes in.:

Dr.McGroin: Geeze that was as easy as Pammmmmmmmmmmm in the oven that
is so easy.

:Flashes back to Park:

Kenny: I wonder where Seth can be??

Randy: Hey Seth.



Randy: That Seth. Well I think we could find him.

Roy: Seth we'll find in 48 Hours.

Kenny: I don't wanna wait a whole Week.

Amber: You guys are stupid arant cha?

Randy:That's what everybody says. But with all due respect miss, I'm
not the one crying over Seth.

Kenny: Red Head Right ahead.

Roy: It's Jack.

Jack: I got a concussion and 2 Broken Ribs.

Randy: I love ribs.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

i haven't blogged in a month

i think i am back in the blog game. i took a month off to start writing jokes again, and it worked! sweet.

Monday, February 26, 2007


So. I am going on a mission and it starts tonight. I need to find Gaby Hoffman. You may remember her from Field of Dreams, or Now & Then. But I remember her for how she stole my heart. Help me find her and you're reward will be rubies and/or diamonds. I just want her to know I exist as well as maybe appear in millions of short films, I make. But don't worry about that yet.

Sunday, February 25, 2007


I am very un-hip, or uncool. Whichever you'd prefer.
But here's my 5 favorite songs of the moment..maybe the moment, maybe the year.

FIVE FAVE SONGS OF NOW? I think it's this year

1) The Arcade Fire -
Keep The Car Running
2) Modest Mouse- Florida
3) Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Some Loud Thunder (The song. I don't like the album, but I love, love, love the song.)
4) The Klaxons - Atlantis to Interzone (it's bringing back rave culture.)
5) TIE : Beirut - Elephant Gun
Tokyo Police Club -
Nature of Experiment (not from this year but it's pretty rad and tad.)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

spam mail

today in my gmail box my spam reached 911. i have decided any other mail that gets added to that will be deleted to also go back to 911. so i will never forget.

Saturday, February 17, 2007


Let's get crazy in here and celebrate all of the Razzies that Ghost Rider is bound to win. I hope they sweep them. This could be the worst movie ever made.